


PS: i lov you, daddy

by baekjuhos



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Teen Pregnancy, it contains sensitive topics, it's sad, please read at own risk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:06:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22403854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekjuhos/pseuds/baekjuhos
Summary: Juho is a single parent. Jaeyoon is a care taker.
Relationships: Baek Juho | Zuho/Lee Jaeyoon
Comments: 11
Kudos: 18





	PS: i lov you, daddy

**Author's Note:**

> reader discretion advised!!! this fic implies suicide, teenage pregnancy, child death and complications of teenage pregnancy. 
> 
> please, and I can't stress this enough, DON'T! read this fic if any of the above mentioned topics are triggering.
> 
> if you ever have the urge to talk about something, my dms (or cc if you want to stay anon) are always open.

There was he again. Right at 6 am, sharp. Like everyday. Jaeyoon watched the man gently take off the child's jacket. The little girl, as always, clung to her father's shirt. She didn't want him to leave. He pressed a chaste kiss onto her temple and whispered something into her ear. She immediately stopped crying. It was replaced by a giggle. 

"Mr. Baek! Nice to see you. How are you?" 

Jaeyoon had placed himself opposite the father. He was intrigued by him. Said man was hanging up the little child's jacket. She had long sped off to play with the other kids.

The hard, sharp eyes of the man stared into Jaeyoon's face. The man's face was blank as he contemplated if he should answer Jaeyoon or not. A few seconds later, he replied curtly. "Good. Thanks." With that, the tall man turned around and left. 

He had never been really talkative. Said man dropped his daughter off at the same time, he always was picking her up at the same time. Jaeyoon had tried to speak to him quite often, but his attempts were ignored. 

He didn't get discouraged, though. He knew that what the younger man showed was just an act. 

From what Jaeyoon could count together, he had been thrown into the life as a father at a very young age. He was barely 20 years old. 

Months had passed and the little Areum was missing kindergarten more often these days. Jaeyoon got worried, and one day, he pulled her father aside. She looked skinnier. Her skin seemed tattered and vapid. She had dark, heavy eye bags. 

"Mr. Baek, I'm worried about Areum." He gestured towards his office. He didn't miss the worried look the young male shot his daughter. She was still running around, but seemed quicker out of breath than usual.

Juho followed Jaeyoon into the office without uttering a single word. He was tired and worried. Juho had work in about an hour and couldn't waste more time talking to a man who seemed like he couldn't stop bothering Juho. 

"Juho, we are about the same age. I'm going to speak honestly with you."

The two had sat down, Jaeyoon was facing him with a stern look. Moments passed in silence as Juho waited for the child care worker to continue speaking. 

"Like I said, I'm worried about Areum. She doesn't seem as bright and happy as before. Is there something going on-" 

Juho's hard gaze pierced Jaeyoon's soul. "It's none of your business." Juho tried to stand up but Jaeyoon stopped him. "Look, I know you're a private person. I respect that. You don't have to share your life story with me. But it looks like you're endangering your daughter. No. Let me speak." Jaeyoon didn't give him a chance to cut him off. "Do you know what it looks like to bystanders?"

He intently watched Juho's hard face. "It looks like you're beating her up. Like you're denying her food. And, honestly Juho, I tried defending you to my colleagues but they don't trust you. The way you're avoiding anyone- the way Areum flinches when the nurse and doctor are here to give them a few shots and check ups-"

Juho let out a small growl. "I would never hurt her. She's my  _ life _ ." 

"That might be. I don't know. We don't know. We know nothing about you. Nor about Areum. All I can see is a child that looks malnourished and abused. She's missed almost half of the time this year. What is going on, Juho?" 

Jaeyoon had leaned forward, genuine worry in his eyes as he placed a comforting, warm hand onto Juho's knee. 

Juho really wanted to trust Jaeyoon, he really did. But he couldn't. Everything he had been through always gnawed at him. Jaeyoon could see the inner conflict Juho was going through. He really hoped that the younger would realise that he meant no harm to him and his daughter. "Areum-" Juho started but didn't continue when loud knocking was heard. Juho's head snapped towards the door like he was expecting the worst. "Jaeyoon! Jaeyoon, Areum fell. And there is a red drink coming out of her nose."

Jaeyoon didn't have enough time to react, Juho was long out of the office. He cradled his daughter in his arms as he carried her towards the bathroom. 

Jaeyoon rushed to his side and helped him clean her face. She silently took all of it. The little girl looked like she was drifting in and out of consciousness. Juho pushed Jaeyoon's hand away as he tried to stroke the girl's hair out of her face. "Don't- don't touch her." 

Juho knew that the care taker just wanted to help. Rationally, he knew that Jaeyoon meant no harm. But he couldn't do it, he couldn't open up to anyone. So he had pushed past the slightly smaller man and rushed his daughter to the hospital.

Jaeyoon just watched him disappear. 

  
  


One day, the curiosity got the better of Jaeyoon and he secretly followed Juho. He knew he shouldn't do this and he also knew he'd get fired if anyone found out about it but he couldn't help himself. The child was missing more and more from kindergarten and on the rare days the father dropped her off, she barely played. She was drained and really skinny. It was his job, so Jaeyoon informed child protective services.

What happened afterwards, he didn't know. 

Jaeyoon's heart felt heavy when he saw where the young male was headed. The usually stiff postured man's shoulders were slumped and he barely could walk upright. 

He kept his distance until he lost sight of Juho. At first Jaeyoon thought Juho was getting treatment for himself. When the lady at the informations desk denied it, he asked for Areum. Within seconds, he had been given the name of the ward and room number. 

Jaeyoon made his way with a heavy heart. On the way he bought a stuffed animal from a shop inside the hospital.

There was a huge window. It allowed everyone to look inside. The room was decorated with balloons, pictures, toys- anything a child could ask for. It was a single room, and the bed looked huge compared to the little girl lying in it. She was hooked to quite a few machines and monitors. He couldn't recognise the little girl anymore. She looked like she was in pain despite being asleep. Areum was bald and had a scar on her skull. She looked sick, fragile and like she was going to snap in two if you were to touch her. 

He bit his lip, the guilt that flared up made him lean his forehead against the window. 

"What are you doing here?" The deep voice cut through Jaeyoon's thoughts like a knife through butter. The hard edge to Juho's deep voice was missing. He sounded tired instead. Jaeyoon reluctantly turned around and faced the father. 

"I just got worried about Areum-" Jaeyoon choked on the rest of the sentence. Juho looked like hell. His jet black hair had been shaved off. His eyes were red from the lack of sleep, paired with dark, heavy eye bags. He was pale and skinny. He reminded Jaeyoon of a ghost. Juho was holding a drink in his hand. He probably had bought it for his little girl. 

There was no retort, there was no questioning. Juho just took it. He was too tired to even think about it. Juho was about to put on the mask and gown so he could go back in but Jaeyoon took a hold of his wrist. The bone was poking Jaeyoon's palm uncomfortably but he didn't say anything else than "Let's talk. You don't look good at all." 

The caretaker would've expected some fight against it but the younger male just let himself be pulled towards the cafeteria he just came from. 

Once they were seated, Jaeyoon watched Juho. He had never seen him this fidgety. He had his eyes casted down, as if watching the table was the most interesting thing in the world. 

"Areum- she isn't well." Juho started after what felt like an eternity of silence. Jaeyoon silently applauded him for starting the conversation on his own. Like that, he didn't feel like he misjudged the situation. "They- She- I'm the only one she has, you know. And she's the only one I have. She's my friend. She's my daughter. She's my family. She's my  _ world _ , Mr. Lee-"

"Jaeyoon." Juho looked up into his eyes for the first time since they sat down. "Call me Jaeyoon." 

There was a tiny hint of a smile on Juho's lips. It was barely there and had disappeared just as quick. "Where's her mother?" 

Juho's eyes darted away, he played with the hem of his shirt to distract himself. Jaeyoon caught guilt in them. "She died during Areum's delivery. Her parents didn't want to see our daughter. Nor me. They resent me and I can't blame them. But they shouldn't resent Areum. She has no fault in this." 

When Juho looked back into Jaeyoon's eyes, he saw tears. Jaeyoon had never seen the younger show any kind of emotions except for the little smiles when his daughter came running to him.

"It was a stupid mistake. You know how kids are. Stupid. I dropped out of school so I could take care of her." He diverted his gaze again. 

"She's the best thing that happened to me, though. I hate seeing her like this." Juho buried his face in his hands and Jaeyoon heard him sob. He reached out, rubbing the younger's arm soothingly.

"Why didn't you tell anyone? What about your parents? Or your friends?" 

Jaeyoon finally saw through the facade Juho had built around himself. He was just still a helpless kid who was doing his best to raise a daughter.

Juho let out a mocking laugh. "My parents? They kicked me out the second they found out I got someone pregnant. And my friends- they all- they all cut me off once they heard my girlfriend back then had passed away. To them, I'm just a killer too." The bitterness in his eyes was suffocating Jaeyoon.

"And Areum- Areum- she doesn't have much time anymore. And you, you shortened that time with her." 

The sudden malice in his voice made Jaeyoon flinch. Juho had pushed his hand away and the facade was back up. Juho wiped the tear stains off his face, forcefully. 

"I- What did I do?" Jaeyoon's brain was working hard, trying to think of why Juho would accuse him of this. It only hit him when the young father let out a scoff. He had called child protective services. Because he had thought Juho was abusing his child, when all he did was taking care of her as best as he could. 

Juho hated himself even more. He shouldn't have opened up. He should've just ignored the man like always. Why was he bothering him? Jaeyoon was too smiley. He was too good looking. Juho just wanted to spend the limited time he had with his child but here he was again, falling for the older's charm. "Listen, I couldn't have known, could I? Juho, it's my job. You have to understand that. You never told me any of this. If I had known, do you really think I'd have done that?" 

Juho didn't listen. He was too occupied with gathering his thoughts. "Can you please tell me what's wrong with Areum-" 

"It's none of your business. Stop pretending that you care." His words were harsh but both knew he didn't mean it. 

"Come on, Juho. I want to help you- I want to help her."

There was another round of silence. "Please, Juho. Let me help you."

He felt the walls Juho had built back up crumble again. "No one can help her. We never had a chance to begin with." 

Juho, despite trying to appear strong, had briefed Jaeyoon in. He spared him quite a few details. All he knew was, that the little girl had already lost a kidney. The doctors couldn't find the primary tumour. It had spread to her kidneys, brain and bones. Whenever she was awake, which wasn't often due to the painkillers she was getting, Areum was sitting on her father's lap. 

Although she was getting more sluggish each passing day, she never missed the opportunity to laugh and, in conclusion, make her father laugh too. 

She had gotten used to Jaeyoon's presence as well. 

One day, Juho had left to get his daughter some drink she had wanted. 

"Mr. Lee?" Areum's voice was strained. Jaeyoon held her small hand. "Yes?"

"Can you please take care of my daddy?" It took him off guard. The surprise was quickly replaced by a warm smile. "Of course."

She smiled. "He is very lonely, you know. Sometimes, I pretend to sleep so he can cry." She looked at him, it was like she was staring into his soul. "I know he blames himself for everything. Mr. Lee, please tell him it's not his fault. Daddy doesn't believe me even though he says he does. He likes you even if he doesn't want to say it. Please be nice to him." 

The bright grin on the little girl's face was replaced by a serious look. 

Jaeyoon was surprised by how mature she sounded, especially for her age. 

Areum's birthday had passed. They had celebrated with the nurses. Juho had a fond look on his face, with a hint of sadness in his eyes. He knew this would be her last birthday on Earth. 

After she had blown the candles out, she had clasped her hands together. Her eyes were tightly shut. "I wish for my daddy to be happy even when I sleep." Jaeyoon had been recording the entire party and had caught it on tape. The entire room had turned silent. Juho's hands dropped to his side, like all strength had left his arms. One could hear a needle fall. It lasted for just a second and Juho had playfully kissed Areum's temple. "Come on, birthday girl. Cut the cake."

The day had been filled with lots of laughter and chatter. 

Juho had given up his jobs. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with her. 

She was sitting on his lap again. "Daddy?" 

Juho looked at her with curiosity. "Yes, my rose?" She kept playing with Juho's fingers. 

"When I'm big, I want to be a nurse too. I want to help people too." 

Juho pressed a chaste kiss onto her swollen, tiny hand. "You'll be a great nurse, I know it." At that, she beamed at him. Juho's heart was warm but at the same time it broke. He buried his nose in her hair and inhaled his daughters smell. 

It got late and he sang her into sleep. She held onto his shirt like her life depended on it. She had inherited most of her appearance from her mother. Just her eyes were like Juho's.

"You should prepare yourself, Mr. Baek." Juho had dreaded these words. He had hoped they still had more time. With an even heavier heart, Juho sat back down onto the armchair the ward had provided each room.

Areum had gotten weaker over the months and she barely could move without being in pain. She still didn't want to leave her father's lap. 

Just like now, she extended her arms so Juho could pick her up. She was light, too light for her age. Areum rested her head onto Juho's shoulder, who in return carried her around the room slowly. "Daddy, don't be scared." 

Juho halted in his track, he tightened his hold on her. "I- I'm not scared Areum-" 

"It's okay Daddy, I'm going to be with mommy, right?" Juho stroked her tiny back in an attempt to distract her.

"Daddy, do you think mommy will like me?"

It felt like he had swallowed a knot. He continued walking around the room slowly. "Mommy loves you, rose bud. You're the most prettiest of all." 

She giggled. "Most prettiest.. that's not a word, silly." That evening, she didn't leave Juho's lap. 

He was sitting on the arm chair with Areum. 

She was getting sleepier. She had long been freed from the monitors. The doctors had raised the dosage of the painkillers. 

Juho continued to sing her favourite songs quietly. She held onto his hand with her tiny fingers. "Daddy, I love you so much."

He halted his singing. "I love you too, my princess." He kissed her head one last time before she let out her last breath. 

Juho just sat there, with his daughters body in his arms. He didn't move. He didn't call anyone. He just sat there, staring emptily ahead. Juho hadn't noticed the tears flowing down his face. He didn't care either. A nurse and doctor came to inspect the body for the first time. Juho didn't let go. 

Hours passed and the second inspection of the body was done. He still hadn't let go. 

Part of him still hadn't accepted the fact that the only thing keeping him alive was now gone. 

Jaeyoon had been away for quite a time. He had been on vacation and had decided to get away from the city for a while. He had, truth to be told, forgotten about the little Areum and her father. He had forgotten about the silent promise he had given the young male, who had been betrayed by too many people for his age. Once he was back, he had decided to go and pay a visit to the little family. 

He had arrived on the ward, refreshed from his little get away when he saw the flickering candle at the doors. He ignored it, assuming it was for someone else. 

Jaeyoon saw Juho sitting on the armchair, as always. The huge bed was empty. The room was cleared of everything. It was back to its dull, white colour. He held a paper in his hand. His face was empty. 

Jaeyoon rushed in, calling out Juho's name. He got no response. Juho's knuckles were white. He was gripping the papers in his hand tightly. They were shaking, a result from his trembling hands. 

Jaeyoon called out his name again, dropping to his knees and placing his hands on Juho's thighs. The contact seemed to snap Juho out of his state. The icy glare Jaeyoon received made him shudder. The piercing eyes of the younger were void of any emotion. He had shut Jaeyoon out again. He pushed himself off the armchair, making the older almost lose balance. He got up as well, blocking Juho's path. Jaeyoon attempted to pull the younger into a hug, but he was pushed roughly away. 

"Fuck off." The words stung more than they should. Jaeyoon saw that Juho was on the brink of crying. He wouldn't give up on Juho now. "Juho, it's okay-" He could hear the father's heart shatter even more. Juho looked away, his face was contorted in pain. "It's okay? It's okay, yeah?" He let out a snort. "For you, yeah. You'll be okay. Areum" He exhaled in sorrow. "Areum will be okay. She isn't in pain anymore." The sadness oozed from his entire posture. 

The unspoken sentence was hanging in the air.  _ But me? I'll never be okay _ . "Just fucking leave."  _ That's what you and everyone else do best. _ "Just leave me alone." 

Juho had lost the strength to hold onto the papers. He hadn't noticed they had fallen from his hand. 

Jaeyoon stood there, heartbroken, as the young father left the room in agony. He picked the papers up. One was the hospital bill, the other a handwritten note by his daughter. The crooked writing, some upside down turned letters and words that were written wrong- despite all that, she had been a smart five year old.

Jaeyoon knew he shouldn't pry, that he shouldn't read it but he couldn't help himself. The words of the little girl kept ringing in his mind. _ Mr. Lee, please tell him it's not his fault. Daddy doesn't believe me even though he says he does. He likes you even if he doesn't want to say it. Please be nice to him. _

He read the letter. Even though he hadn't known the girl as well as Juho did, he cried. Jaeyoon shamelessly dropped to the floor and weeped. 

_ Hi Daddy. _

_ Do you know how muuuuuuuuch I lov you? You are the best in the world.  _

_ I liked the best wen we went to the zoo togeder. The birds were the prettiest. I want to fly hih like them, too.  _

_ Daddy, I know that I will sleep a lot soon. Can you wake me up when the bird movie starts? I want to watch it with you.  _

_ I like your hugs the best. And your legs are the most comfotabe bed for me. Your sholder is the bestttttttt pillov in the world.  _

_ Daddy, please dont blaim yourself. You are the best person.  _

_ I lov you soooooooo much!!!!! _

_ Your rosebud _

_ Areum _

_ PS: I lov you daddy! _

Jaeyoon could feel the happiness radiating off the letter. She had attempted to draw a rose next to her name. 

He felt terrible. He had let him down, like everyone else did. And now, Juho was burying his last anchor. 

He had been a great father. He never gave Areum the feeling that she was responsible for any of his pain. He never showed her his weak heart, his tears. He always appeared strong in front of her. She was just too smart for her age. 

Jaeyoon dried his tears and smoothed the letter as best as he could. He tried to find Juho. It took him quite a while. 

He knew that there wasn't anyone who would come to his daughters funeral. Despite that, he still organised a small one. 

The only ones who appeared were the few nurses who took care of her. They quickly left, though. So Juho was left alone with his thoughts, again. 

He watched the framed picture with sad eyes. 

He couldn't control the tears that kept flowing out. The bird pendant in his hand kept him grounded. Juho had draped her favourite necklace around the tiny urn. 

"Areum..Are you with your mommy?" He whispered. He wanted to hear her voice again. He missed her. 

Juho was startled when someone kneeled besides him. He recognised the brown hair. Juho didn't pay any attention to him. He didn't stop Jaeyoon either, when he pulled him into a tight hug. 

Juho didn't do anything, he just let Jaeyoon rub his back and repeatedly tell him how sorry he was. 

It didn't matter. His daughter was gone. He was alone. Someone had broken their promise once again. Juho was numb. 

He couldn't pay the hospital bills. He didn't have a school diploma. He didn't have a job. No one was hiring unqualified, young men. His family had abandoned him. Juho still wanted to try and make amends with them. 

Jaeyoon felt Juho bury his face in his shoulder. The younger let go of his composure for the first time in front of him. His entire body shook under the wave of each crying fit. 

Once Juho had calmed down a little, Jaeyoon handed him his daughters letter. Juho took it without saying anything, verbally. His actions, though, showed how grateful he was.

Juho had lost everything. His apartment had been evicted because he had practically lived at the hospital for his daughter. He applied to every store that would look for part time workers. He wanted to get his highschool diploma but he was denied spots all over the city. 

Jaeyoon had offered to let Juho stay with him. He had declined. 

The day Juho got the second reminder notice and a bunch of turndowns, he decided he'd give his life just one more chance. He was tired. He was tired of fighting, he was tired of depending on others. He was the most tired of himself. 

Juho couldn't understand why he was standing at the doorstep of his parents. He was drenched from head to toe. He didn't look good, either. The lack of food and sleep made him appear like he was a walking dead. 

His brother opened the door. He stared at Juho a good minute until he realised who was standing in front of him. His mouth fell open in shock. 

"Juho- you- you don't look good at all." He stated. His brother had always been on his side, but he had stopped talking to him for the sake of their parents. Juho smiled. He hadn't in a long time. "Yeah. I just. I just wanted to know if I could- If I could crash for the night here?" 

His voice was coming out tiny. Juho looked at his brother with desperation. "Jju, you know I'd take you in without even thinking but-"

"Who is it?" A voice rang through the hallway. Juho, without thinking twice, pushed an envelope into his brothers hand. "Just take care of this for me, please. That's- That's something you can do, right?"

His brother nodded once before the door was ripped widely open, revealing his mother.

"What do you want here?" The icy tone and hard eyes broke Juho's heart into even tinier pieces. 

"I just- I just wanted to ask if I could stay the-" He was playing with the hem of his wet shirt. He never broke eye contact with his mother. "Piss off, Juho. You won't step foot into this house ever again. You chose it, remember?" 

Juho looked away. "Go, play with your mistake. Live with it."

Juho's strangled voice came out angry. "She wasn't a mistake- Don't talk about her like that." 

He felt someone push him away. His father had come home from work. "What does he want here?" 

"Nothing. Get inside, food is ready." She let her husband move inside and bellowed his brother to shut the door.

Before he complied, he shot his brother an apologetic, sad look. 

He didn't notice how his brother watched him from the window. He hated seeing Juho like this. And he was worried. Juho had left the house's hallway. He was standing on the street. He didn't move a single muscle. Juho's brother looked at the envelope his older brother has entrusted him. Dread filled him, but he ignored it.

Jaeyoon had been driving home from work. The kids had exhausted him and he was worried. Juho wouldn't pick up the phone. He wouldn't react to any of the messages. 

Jaeyoon tried calling him again. This time, the connecting sound resonated through his car. 

"Thank God, Juho. I got worried. Where are you? It's been raining the entire day-"

An unfamiliar voice cut through his sentence. "Who are you? Juho isn't here. He left the phone in this envelope with a letter from a child and some kind of bird pendant."

"Wh-What?" Jaeyoon pulled the car to the side. Fear ripped through his body. "Who are you?" The caretaker asked. "I'm his brother. Who-"

Jaeyoon didn't let him speak. "When have you seen him the last time? What did he want?"

There was a moment of silence. "He asked if he could stay the night with us but" the young male inhaled sharply before continuing "but our parents- they didn't let him enter. They didn't let me speak to him. He just. Sir, I watched him from the window and he just stood on the street for two hours." 

Jaeyoon noted the date again. It was the death anniversary of his child's mother. He counted one and one together and dread filled him. "I have to go. Keep the letter safe."

Jaeyoon had ended the call. He was scared, he was worried. Juho probably had seen his family as his last resort to keep him from doing something. Something to himself. 

Jaeyoon sped off, trying to remember where the young girl had been buried. Just as he was about to turn off his car, he got a call. He accepted it. The line was silent for a few seconds. "Hello?" Jaeyoon asked, confused. He didn't expect the deep voice to call him from an unknown number. "Thank you for everything. But you can stop the act now. It's over soon. You'll be free." 

Juho didn't give him any chance to reply. He had already hung up. 

It wasn't until hours later that Jaeyoon finally found the young man. He had looked everywhere. At the grave of his daughter he had found a letter to her. At the grave of his girlfriend back then, Jaeyoon had found a note written to her. 

Jaeyoon had found him on a bench in a park. He remembered it, Juho told him that it was his daughter's favourite one. 

The young adult was lying on the bench. He had a jacket draped over himself. It looked like a homeless person was just sleeping. No one had spared him a second look. Nor the red, dried liquid on the ground just underneath the bench. 

"Juho?" Jaeyoon approached him slowly. "Hey, Juho. Come on, you can take a hot bath at my place. We can talk about everything, yeah?" 

Jaeyoon reached out shakily, brushing the wild, black hair out of his face. He was cold, Jaeyoon was scared.

Jaeyoon had immediately called an ambulance, but it was too late. 

"We can't do anything, I'm sorry." was all the paramedics said. 

Juho had taken his life. People saw. No one had stopped him. 

Jaeyoon was at the morgue. He finally was allowed to see Juho for the last time.

Even if he hadn't known the man for a long time, Jaeyoon was intrigued. He wished he had tried harder to get to know him. The love he had for his daughter was beyond this world. He regretted not telling him how he truly felt, he regretted not pushing Juho to stay with him.

He sat down. Jaeyoon had texted Juho's brother. Technically, he had texted Juho since it was his phone. 

He had arrived within ten minutes. Jaeyoon took in the peaceful expression. Juho's brother was silently standing behind Jaeyoon. 

"I have never seen him this...happy." He said gently. Jaeyoon agreed. It looked like he was free of what pulled him down. "He's probably playing with Areum." 

Jaeyoon reached forward to swipe his bangs out of his content face. 

"I really wanted to meet her. But our parents-" he stopped mid sentence. "If I had just taken him in, he'd still be alive." Jaeyoon could hear the tears in the young man's voice. 

He didn't say anything. He didn't do anything to console the young kid. He just sat there, watching Juho's stiff body. 

That day, Jaeyoon learned the pain filled journey of Juho's life. His brother had broken down and told him everything.

While Jaeyoon was soothingly rubbing his back, he spilled everything. Jaeyoon knew about Juho being kicked out, but hearing the entire story broke his heart.

_ His parents had hit him. They verbally abused him. "I hope she makes you suffer the way you made us endure all of this!" _

_ Juho's brother just hid behind the door and watched his brother get hurt while trying to protect the little baby.  _

_ "You are the reason why this beautiful, young girl is dead, Juho! You and that illegitimate child of yours."  _

_ He had never seen his brother cry before. His heart was shattering when he saw how he had curled up around the child, protectively.  _

_ "Get lost. Get lost and never come back. Live with your mistake. I hope she is worth stabbing your family in the back. I hope she is worth the death of a beautiful girl. But what I hope the most for is, that she causes you so much pain that you go crazy." _

_ His father had pulled his head up by his hair and smashed it against the ground one more time. One last kick and he left Juho alone. He was crying and whimpering, yet he was checking on the baby.  _

"I didn't understand why he would value Areum's well being over his own until I realised that's what fathers do. He left and never came back until-" 

Jaeyoon squeezed the kid's arm in sympathy. He tried holding his tears back. 

"Juho.. He dropped out of school for Areum. At first, I was mad at him. But there wasn't anyone who would take care of her if he went to school. I told him to put her up for adoption and he said he couldn't do that. I got mad again. He tried to ask for help from his classmates, from his high school friends but they all turned him down. They all blamed him for.. for her death you know. Juho had helped all of them whenever they needed something but…" He let out a wry chuckle. "He changed a lot. Even her parents didn't want to see their grandchild. They said she's a disease." 

Jaeyoon was crying. He never knew the full extent of what had happened. He only had seen the young man who was distanced from everyone. 

"Juho- He was a really happy person. He was naive too. He trusted people easily. And it got him hurt, really bad. So he shut everyone out." 

Jaeyoon felt pity. His train of thoughts were interrupted by a small envelope being thrusted towards him. 

Jaeyoon curiously searched the young male's face. "It was inside the envelope with Areum's letter. Figured it's for you." 

Jaeyoon hesitated before he accepted it. 

He read what Juho had written. The beginning was awkward but he didn't mind. 

Half way through, Jaeyoon started sobbing. It caught Juho's brother off guard. 

The latter wasn't for him. It was for Areum.

_ My lovely Areum.  _

_ Daddy is sorry. I couldn't give you a long, fulfilled life like you deserved. I'm sorry for not being a good father. If I could turn back the time, I still would choose to spend the rest of my life with you. You are the best thing that happened to me. No one can change that.  _

_ Areum, you are fine right? You are playing with mommy, right? Will you accept me up there too? _

_ Daddy isn't sure he will be able to go up, though. Daddy might spend the rest of eternity deep down the earth.  _

_ Areum.. If I can't come up...Please forgive Dad. Are you wearing the necklace? It looks really good on you. _

_ Even if I can't be with you, just thinking of my rosebud makes me feel better. Dad's going to make things alright.  _

_ Please be happy. That's all Dad needs. Don't forget, you are the most prettiest flower.  _

_ Hugs and kisses, _

_ Daddy _

_ PS: Daddy loves you too, rosebud _

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it through the end, I'm sorry. 
> 
> if you ever have the urge or the need to talk, my dms (or cc, if you want to stay anonymous) are always open.


End file.
